The worst. Poem. Ever.

A bit of backstory before I get to the poem itself.

In my English class, we are currently studying Hamlet.  Now, I've done Hamlet before, and I love the play.  My teacher is also pretty awesome, although sometimes assignments can be a bit... weird.

Like this one!

Basically, we had to get into groups, and pick one of three lines from Hamlet.  You'll see which one we went with in a second ('You' meaning all, like, one of you who actually reads this), and I can't remember one of the others...

The line we initially picked was "Frailty, thy name is woman"

Now, I have never considered myself any good at writing poetry.  Or songs, for that matter.  I mean, ask me to write music and I'm all over it.  Ask me to write a short story about some subject or another and I'll procrastinate and get around to it eventually.

Ask me to write a poem and I'll laugh slightly harder than if you asked me to draw something.  Or go to sleep.  I'm pretty terrible at those things, too.

Wait.  Hang on.  Forgot where I was going with this.  Give me a moment.  Oh!  Right!  Terrible poetry!

So, yeah, original line.  I initially refused to have anything to with writing the poem, but one of my partners started taking a rather distressingly misogynistic bent for a supposedly comedic poem.

Which is where I stepped in.

Fuelled by massive sleep deprivation and quite possibly that all-night Whose Line is it Anyways marathon I pulled (American version.  Because Colin Freakin' Mochrie and Ryan Stiles!  Also because I don't have the British one on my laptop.), I proceeded to write and revise several absurdly silly sentences based off of taking things literally.

After being told by Teach that we had to, y'know, make the poem about Hamlet, I proceeded to throw in a couple of half-assed metaphors and, well, the second-to-last line.

Now, I should warn you.

What you are about to read (provided you made it through my ramblings) has been described as epic.  Shakespearean.  Cyclopean (Because adjectives that only Lovecraft used need more love, dammit!).  All in a sarcastic fashion.

Brace yourselves, kiddies.  This is going to hurt.

                "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark

                The power went out, or the fridge was unplugged

                The onions have gone off

                The cheese has gone soft

                And the milk has turned into yoghurt

                The bacon and ham have turned on each other

                A familial coup

                A filial soup

                The state is uneasy because the Royals are queasy

                And a delicate miasma is brewing"

And there you have it.  Proof that I have no dignity.

Dignity is overrated, anyways.

Pfff.  Dignity.  Who needs it.